unsupervised.

I'm unsupervised this evening, which means that there's no one here to make me check my crazy at the door.

It's about time to de-clutter my pack rat husband's stash of lordy-knows-what in the closets and from the goodness of my blessed heart give the vast majority of it to Goodwill. Because I'm absolutely full of good will... And stuff we don't need and I don't want to move come 4 months or whatever when we decide to up and leave our current living establishment and move cross country to an environment full of sun and warmth and deemed fit for human life.

I'm seriously starting to doubt my relationship with Wisconsin. It's emotionally draining. Wisconsin is so terribly horrible to me all winter long, then summer rolls around and I forget why we were fighting in the first place. The weather is glorious, brats and burgers are frying on the grill, bonfires are crackling, stars are twinkling, there is a festival practically every freakin' weekend, the outdoor theater is open, and my energy level goes through the roof. In the summer, Wisconsin gives me wonderful things like a social life, patio drinking, and a tan. I totally blank on how the majority of the year is a frigid betch.

But I digress. Time for me to continue my good will rampage through this place.

Or maybe not yet.

Catch up since last month:

mini-moon up north

• I flew out to Virginia Beach for the weekend to meet up with Ben at the end of his work trip. We got seafood and walked on the beach and had a room with a balcony overlooking the water and I thought it was overall fantastic. Then we went to a crowded sports bar and yelled at the tv as we watched the Badgers end their NCAA run in the last seconds of the game. Because that's how we do.
• My grandparents sold DeCabin up in Winter, WI. We spent the weekend up there helping load up the truck and empty out the place where we spent time every summer since 1999, where Ben and I took our "mini-moon", and the go-to place for a last minute trip away from it all. We got a few items that are now in our apartment, and that still smell like the pine-needle-fresh-air-cut-grass-pine-wood-whatever-else-there-was that was DeCabin. That certain smell which, depending on how much wine I've had that particular evening, makes me tear up and/or cry a few glistening tears. Soooo many memories!! 
• I'm finishing up a gigantic king-sized patchwork-esque type quilt for our bed. My determination to finish it comes and goes. 
• I'm helping Jess shoot video at a wedding this weekend. wheeeeeeee
• May 2nd was the 5 year anniversary of Ben flinging me off of a teeter totter. All because I was trying to be a responsible 22 year old and NOT go to a street party in Madison that particular night in question. Going to the park and playing "farmer brown let me down" on the teeter totter seemed like a good alternative at the time. At least it did before I was sitting in the Urgent Care cry-laughing as Vicodin powered its way through my bloodstream. The damage = dislocated shoulder, collar bone split in two, and mild concussion because I can't play nice with the other kids.  The moral of the story: Never turn down a street party.

xoxo, b

Wedding in Nashville

Kor and J's wedding in Nashville was stupendous. 

Nicole Marie Photography

 Belle Meade Plantation was gorgeous. Such a fun weekend full of love & dancing, singing at the top of our lungs, and Fireball shots. 

Damn Fireball shots.

Ben and I even had a little bit of time to head downtown one afternoon and have Jess take some "10 year anniversary" photos on her fancy pants camera. The photos............... capture our odd little relationship pretty accurate. Kinda awkward, super cheesey, and basically crazy.  Once I bug Jess enough, I'm sure she will forward them. 

On our drive back to the Dairy State, we pulled over at a dusty little gas station to refuel the car and fill my need for caffeine and Doritos. It was straight out of a movie. Dusty little shack, middle aged lady behind the counter with a southern drawl, and a cop and local farmer sitting at a bench talking over a coffee. Hey small town, hey. So good.

xoxo, b 

Weekend Warrior [part 1]

HOLY CRIPES, BATMAN! Weekends off?! I forgot what those were............but I love them. Here's the dealio, since New Year's Eve (which I spent bad dancing at Karma), I've been a weekend warrior. The titan of the truck stop. The pop star princess of car concerts. I've been able to give into every whimsical fancy that floats across my mind involving a car and the open road (within reason).

And now I present to you, my weekends in Reader's Digest form:

1) Britani turns 25+2 birthday celebration extravaganza. This particular weekend started by going out with friends Friday night. Then Saturday morning rolled around, and Ben and I tentatively decided to go to Louisville because, hell, it's within the 6 hour radius perimeter that we had just set and neither of us have spent any time there. After a little Google search I found underground zip-lining outside the city limits. Sold. BAM-A-LAM and we're headed south early Saturday afternoon.

Then the snow started. The freakin' snow. North of Indianapolis, we were creeping along. Our trip was taking longer than planned (granted, not a lot of planning went into the trip other than "head south"). That's when traffic stopped. Just stopped. Before long, tow trucks and police cars and hazardous waste clean up crews were driving past us. And we stayed exactly where we were for the next 3+ hours. The worst 3+ hours of hoping that my bladder would not explode, because that's right folks, this chicka had to whiz from minute uno. (btw, no one was killed in the gigantic accident) After that special bonding experience with my man of choice came to an end, we figured it was best to stay in Indy and leave early for the Lou. Ben found a room, and we ended up staying downtown at a hotel hosting a middle school cheer competition. There were fake eyelashes, glitter, and high ponytails everywhere.

By early Sunday afternoon we were in Louisville, hanging out at the Louisville Slugger Museum because sidenote, I wanted to be a baseball player when I was younger.








We also did a whiskey tour at the Evan Williams Experience, where we tried two shot sized glasses of whiskey.

Then Ben booked a hotel online and we drove over to check in and drop off our luggage. As we were standing in line, we looked at each other and commented about how it smelled like old perfume. We had a chuckle, and waited like perfect angels until our turn came. During this time, I figured I should check in on Foursquare because sometimes I'm social media conscious like that. As the Internet delivered my request, the front desk beckoned us to come forward and check in. At this exact moment, the Foursquare stars aligned and the top comment for Seelbach Hotel popped up onto my phone "careful, the 8th and 10th floors are haunted." I don't do haunted. I don't do scary. I do do Google researching though, and Google researching revealed that yeah, that place has had a few things go bump in the night. One of the things was people smelling perfume...
So long story a little less long, we stayed on the 7th floor which means my ceiling was definitely haunted. I think we were the only living humans on that floor. I may or may not have screamed because I saw my own reflection in the window and maybe I tried to pee with the bathroom door open while maintaining eye contact with Ben. All alleged activities keep in mind.  Creepy stuff...especially when I woke up at 3am to use the restroom and our tv was on (did we leave it on?!) and Insidious was playing.........Ben woke up as I was getting out of bed, saw the tv, and knowing that I'm 100% chicken started yelling "DON'T LOOK AT THE TV!!!" which of course made me freak out. Very little sleep that night... and not even for fun reasons.


Monday was my birthday and for my birthday we went going cave zip lining at Mega Caverns!!!!!!!!! Never been zip lining, and definitely never zip lining in a cave so check that one off the ole bucket list. I adored dangling by a rope and going fast, which my mom tells me is "not right." She's such a nice lady.


Monday afternoon consisted of driving back to WI, and getting Kentucky Fried Chicken while in Kentucky. Obviously.

2) The following weekend was a trip to Winter, WI. This trip was also a last minute "hey-ya-wanna" trip, and also included snowy weather that made us take an early pit stop. This time it was a pit stop in LM at my parents' house for the night. It's cool though, because I got to have a glass of wine with my mom and pop and shoot the breeze. And Ben got to say sassy things to make my dad laugh and my mom's "ears bleed." The next morning we proceeded up nort', stopping at the Leinenkugel Brewery for a tour, then in Hayward for lunch, and finally a stop at the casino before getting to the cabin after dark.

super long walk in the dark...

....seriously.....

Since we had rented a crumby little Nissan Versa (which, incidentally, is the exact same little piece that we totaled in IL one year....) we were not able to make it up the tiny snowy hill to the cabin... so we were going to have to walk. In the dark. In the northern woods where bear have been known to wander and a giant had been spotted the month before near the cabin's front porch. I pouted. I got out and tried to push the car myself. Then (mostly because Ben made me), I grabbed my bags and started sprinting through the knee high snow while wimpering and screaming and carrying on like a gawd-damn fool. Once inside the cabin, I hyperventilated for the first time in my life. I don't understand it, and I probably never will. I can jump out of airplanes, speed makes me happy, heights get me excited............ but you ask me to go down a water body slide without a tube, ride a ferris wheel, or deal with the possibility of a bear and I'm down for the count. The rest of our time there was spent watching old movies, playing games, drinking wine, and watching snow fall on the lake. Relaxing once you stop thinking about being mauled by a bear.



xoxo, b

NYE MKE 2013-14

Procrastination.

 

 

It lands us in the exact same spot every year at exactly this time..... desperately trying to figure out what to do for New Year's Eve.

 

 

Every year.

 

 

It's not like New Year's is a floating, mysterious holiday, springing out of the shadows within 24 hours of happening screaming "HERE I AM SUCKAS!! HAVE FUN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT AN AWESOME WAY TO REALLY CELEBRATE THIS HUNK OF AULD LANG SYNE (maniacal laugh)"

 

 

Champaign toast this, New Year's Eve.

 

 

I don't even know what auld lang syne means. No one does. It's just a slow song with made up words.

 

So for all purposes listed hereafter, auld lang syne means there are too many parties and my lack of commitment to any of them makes me feel like the soggy fruitloop left behind in the cereal bowl of New Year's Eve parties.

 

 

 I wonder where we will end up. I'm pretty much ready for anything-- I shaved my legs tonight. And I've got a certain young man on contract to kiss me at midnight. (maniacal laugh)

 

 

Try and stop me now, 2013.

 

 

But I'm done Google-ing MKE NYE shindings for now. There are more important things going on: Shark Week Season 25 is now on Netflix.

 

 

xoxo, b

turkey recap

Pre-Turkey Tuesday:

My last day at the jewelry store. Smash made me a pink sash and a glittery pink crown that I wore the majority of the day like a preschool princess. Roughly 1.7 million things went wrong and required me to fix them, so I didn't get much time to just hang out with my coworkers. After the store closed at 7, Smash and Co. popped open a bottle of bubbly and gave my "eugoogly"...which I had jokingly requested. Or not jokingly. After the beautiful eugoogly, we headed to Mexico for dinner and dranks.

I'm horrible, awful, no-good at having things hit me right away. Seriously. Which is part of the reason that I generally don't get too emotional......until a week and a half later when Ben finds me on the couch with a cup of coffee and mascara-face. As a whole, I'm 100% time-consuming and tiring to understand... literally a waltzing contradiction.

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Turkey Time:

Having two families too close to each other makes for filling holidays. Turkey day was no exception. A late lunch turned into dinner at my parent's house, and after wiping the gravy from our faces we were at Ben's side of the family enjoying desserts and falling asleep on the couch.
Unlike last year, no one stood up and announced any life-altering news. 

Also unlike last year, Ben and I did zero Black Friday shopping. Instead, we slept in and I telephoned my mom (who was downstairs) to bring us a couple of coffees in bed. She said no.
In my defense, 1: It worked the last time 2: At least I tried and 3: Brilliant idea, right?

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Saturday & Sunday:

To make the next tidbit make sense, I need to confess that Ben and I are raising spoiled thug cats. Long haired, fluffy, spoiled, social butterfly thugs named Paris and Nicole.

These little thugs stayed home alone for 2 nights while we went home for Thanksgiving. 

When we got home to the apartment Saturday afternoon, we found half eaten cookies all over the kitchen and scattered around the living room floor. The cute ceramic food bowl with the the painted blue script of Tuna Breath was mercilessly thrown in true riot state into the mecca of the chaos. Clumps of long black hair adorned the once cozy home that had- from all accounts- transformed into a gladiator coliseum only hours earlier when the last bit of cat food was nibbled and the undeniable possibility of certain death first crept to attention.

So we fed the monsters, and they fell asleep purring and cuddled up together. Because in all likelihood they are also un-medicated bipolars as well.

And now it's officially time for Christmas!
Which means Christmas music, Christmas decorations, Christmas cats, Christmas everything at all hours of the day and night. Christmas!!

xoxo, b

brit-sit

I had no Brit-sitter this week. 

Which is good, because I've been very busy working two jobs.

And which is bad because I've spent an unhealthy amount of time talking to my cats and growing extremely accustomed to their strange behavior. Trying to climb on my back while I'm sitting upright and typing, trying to climb on my lap while I'm using the.... ahem ladies room, eating a cardboard box for the hell of it, punching me in the face in the morning because they are channeling Mike Tyson, and general clingy-ness, snoring like dogs, purring all.the.time., and yip-yapping are 100% normal to me now. Sure, it was upwards of 86% normal to me before, but those monsters really beefed up their crazy and are dedicated to making me feel like a spazzy old cat lady..... and it's working.

No Brit-sitter is also bad because there is no one to stop me from having a package of bacon, 2 apples, miscellaneous Halloween candy, and a hefty portion of wine for dinner. I'm thinking Ben would not be too happy with me, since he has vocalized concerns over my odds of making it to 30............but I can rationalize just about anything. Take the above mentioned fantastic dinner for example: Meat, good. Period. Apples=fruit=good. Candy=chocolate=derived from a plant=plants=good. Wine=grapes=fruit with antioxidants=good. Throw "antioxidants" into any food-related nonsense sentence and it's like a free pass. 

Ya know what, I did have a Brit-sitter tonight by the name of Marshall's Store. Which means someone has a new pair of boots, among other things.

Ya win some and ya lose some. 

Ben's home tomorrow, and done traveling until February or something like that. Whoot whoooooot

xoxo, b

worst interview ever

Looking for a new job sucks. Plain and simple. 

Or if you prefer the more vivid and realistic, possibly over-dramatic and lengthy version: Job hunting is intimidating, horrifying, awkward and irritating. You list all your qualifying credentials on one fancy sheet of paper, shave your legs, slide into your pencil skirt and fake smile your ass off. Instead of doing what your mom has prompted you to do all your life-- listen, ask questions about the other person-- you are now forced to not only toot your own horn, but lay on that [explicit] horn while you steer the conversation like a mad-man through your lifetime accomplishments, volunteer opportunities, and a moving, memorized speech detailing why you would be a perfect fit above all the other suckers who also applied. 

During my recent new job quest, I've had an interview or two. Some have been good. Some have been "meh." One was so bad I thought I was being pranked.

Not to give away too many details, but I was able to get my resume forwarded to "Talent Acquisition" at a pretty big company headquartered in MKE through a couple of individuals that Ben and I know. One of these individuals happens to be the head of one giant portion of this company. Vague enough?

Anyways, interview bullet points:

• He was 20 minutes late.
• I was asked what I've done in the past. I told him my previous experience and education. He told me I really don't have any options unless I go back to school. So much for that private education and a B.A.
• He asked me if I was currently in any networking groups. I answered "no" since my days off have thus far been a random weekday here or there, and I don't get back downtown (home) until at least 8pm on days I work. He replied by telling me that most groups meet at night. Like after 8pm dude? Then he decided to list off networking groups and ask if I was a part of them... one by one. No need to break it down for me, I have not joined a group within the last 12 seconds.
• He asked me if I heard of "a little company called Kohls." And proceeded to ask if maybe I've applied there yet. Because I should, but not before going back to school. 
• He told me to really figure out my 5 year plan. If I was planning on staying home and having children within 2-3 years, then I should probably stay in my current position. 
• A great deal of time was spent talking about his accomplishments. He is really good at his job. He recently hired one of the smartest graduates from Marquette. He is well-off. 
• He told me that I probably think this interview didn't go too well but that I was going to "look back on his advice and think..... 'wow.'" I was already thinking "wow" 2 minutes into that interview train wreck.
• There was more, but in conclusion, I spent a half hour or so talking to the most egotistical, chauvinistic man in MKE. I should be barefoot and pregnant because my true career is birthing the next generation, and he is well-off and established because he is man. 

Life goes on. And I've landed a job at a newspaper! I'm starting part time Monday, and by December it'll be my full time position. No more working weekends, no more retail hours, no more bridezillas.

Three workdays left at the jewelry store..... holy moly.

xoxo, b

a short story

          Once upon a time, a young girl decided to travel with her husband to the flat lands of Illinois. The lovely couple took a car that resembled a toaster oven with them on their journey. They played a road trip scavenger hunt game which included all sorts of silly items for them to find along the way, had a delicious sushi dinner and sweet pomegranate martinis under the moonlight, and ended each night with a kiss. 
          One morning, the young girl's husband left early to attend a work function. He tenderly kissed the young girl on the forehead, said goodbye babycakes, and left.  The young girl was antsy, and excited to start another wonderful day. Moving aside pillows and blankets, she sat cross legged in the middle of the hotel bed, scouring the World Wide Web for pertinent information regarding weather, fall trends, social media activity, and ideas for her upcoming Halloween Ball to be held in a sweet old barn. 
          During her many searches, the young girl's foot began to fall asleep. Not to be deterred, and fueled by excitement over all the knowledge she had just obtained, the young girl jumped like a gazelle from the bed, boldly yelling to her foot to "wake up damnit!" Time slowed as she flew through the air like a majestic eagle, sleeping foot extended before her like a prima ballerina. All at once, the sleeping foot hit the ground. Unable to support the young girl's leap-- due largely to fact it was asleep-- the foot gave way and the young girl crumpled to the ground defeated. 
       What happened next was a fantastic slew of newly strung together cuss words and threats to the foot. Upon examination, it seemed as though the sleeping foot was merely sprained and not seriously damaged. With tears swelling in her eyes (but not really), the young girl gingerly wrapped her wounded foot into a bath towel, elevated it, and set it on ice; even though the only thing she believed worthy of elevation and icing were heels and bottles of champagne, respectively. 
         Fin.

                                                                                                                            - bbz

the maine attraction

A little while ago... as in over Labor Day weekend.... I took a little ladies' trip to Portland, Maine. Trying lobstah just so happens to be on this girl's ole Life To Do. And what better way to try lobster for the first time than to go directly to the source!? And check out Maine in the process.

So here's the Maine attraction: 

• Our flight was way early in the morning. I allegedly supported that idea, claiming that we would then have the most amount of time in Portland. During one of the flights, I was separated from the girls and sat next to what I thought would be a quirky gentleman. After telling me darling stories of his handicapped daughter, he transitioned into detailed descriptions of seeing someone splatter while bungee jumping, and watching a military friend slit both arms and neck before dying in front of him. My already over-worked imagination was on overdrive, and I told the quirky gentleman his stories were grossing me out. To which he replied that he grew up on a farm so things like that don't bother him. Exactly dude, but your listener has jumped outta a plane before.... and will do it again.
  
• Our hotel was connected to a brew pub. The first day we got to Maine was rainy and overcast and dreary and sad. So we grabbed some grub at the pub, tried to do a little shopping/exploring, then returned to the pub for a 5:30pm nightcap.
  
• The rest of the time there was gorgeous fall weather. We rode around in an old firetruck and got a tour of the city (aka a tour of the tour guide's childhood), did some exploring in the shopping areas, tried local craft beers, did a ton of walking around, took a lighthouse boat tour through the harbor, rode the ferry to Peak's Island, somehow ended up at a club during rap night, and dun nuh nuh nuhhh tried lobster.
  
• Portland Lobster Company is where we had our first "lobster feast." I had limited ideas on how or what to eat concerning the red crustacean watching me with beady, judging eyes. In times like that, it's best to just have at it. Did I feel like a Midwest hick? Damn straight. But it was delicious, and turns out there was a "how to eat a lobster" printout at the bottom of the tray that was found after we were done making a delicious mess of ourselves.
  
• I adore the way people talk in Portland: Goin' down to da ha'bah to get some fwesh lobstah and buttah to make a nice dinnah fo ya.
  
• The trip was a lot of fun, and a lot of seafood. Halfway through the excursion I had the worst craving for some beef and cheese. You can take a girl out of Wisconsin, but apparently you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl.

xoxo, b

the ugly cry

first business trip

 Ben departed for New York this morning sometime around 4am. I'm not 100% sure on the exact time because, hell, it was 4am and frankly, I was ugly crying. No single glistening tear on this cheek. No, no. More like a pitiful pajama-clad, bedhead me standing lost in the living room trying to keep it together. I don't know about the rest of the population, but when I'm tired and sad my ugly cry is straight out of an 80's horror film. To hold back tears I hold my breath, my stomach clenches up, and my face crinkles and conforms into ways previously unknown to mankind. The breath-holding causes red-eye bulging and a series of odd choking gasps, boogers, and tears.  To top it off, muttering things between gasps like "You look so handsome! I'm going to miss you so much! The cats are mean and punch me while I sleep!" and I've successfully brought a whole new level of sexy. 

Paris & Nicole helping Ben pack

So my husband's gone for Monday through Thursday night. Seriously, not that long at all. Especially since he rounded up some "brit-sitters" to keep me company this week. I have a busy week. And we are leaving for our two year anniversary road trip on Friday night. That's exciting.... I could totally Google things for us to do.... we have plane tickets and no plans. Just the way it should be!

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WI State Fair

Ben and I went to the Wisconsin State Fair on Saturday. It was glorious and sunny and warm and wonderful. We tried loaded potatoes, funnel cake, ice cream, craft beer, did a wine tasting, and rode the sky glider from one end of the park to the other. We also found the barn with the ducks, but the place was way too crowded for me to steal one. 

riding the sky glider

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

And here is a photo of Paris wearing a bikini. 

She's trying to break into the cruel world of swimsuit modeling.

I think she looks fantastic.

Paris in a bikini

xoxo, b

summerfest 2013

I happened upon Summerfest 2013 on Saturday, and a little country concert performed by Thomas Rhett, Jake Owen, and Jason Aldean.

And it was fantastic.

Once the concert was over, we left the Marcus amphitheater and headed towards the chaos that was an overcrowded Summerfest grounds. The original game plan was that Ben was going to pick us up or we would cab it back to my place. Well Ben was zonked out and there were no cabs since hello this is Milwaukee and all 27 cabs were occupied-o by the time everyone and their aunt were busy leaving. So we walked to my apartment. MapQuest tells me it is approximately 2.6 miles along the river walk. I believe it.

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 Fireworks tomorrow night in Milwaukee for the Fourth of July.


'Merica!

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Three years ago, on July 5th (because he was told holidays & birthdays were not allowed),
 Ben asked me to marry him. So sweet.


However, I just want to take the time to reiterate the fact that Jessica and I had spent the entirety of July 4th sitting on a front porch wearing flannel, sipping sweet tea and lemonade from mason jars, listening to country music, and trying to play a guitar that was missing a few strings. Ben witnessed all of the above, and still decided to see what I was doing for the remainder of my days.


Soo yeah.


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Paris ate an ibuprofen this weekend. I think she was trying to dull the pain from earlier when Nicole slammed her head against the wall. She must have been riffling through my purse looking for cash or something, because I know she has not mastered the kitty-proof top on the ibuprofen bottle, and there were a couple floating around at the bottom of my bag. Anyways, she threw it up and she's still alive.

Which makes it another successful day in the life of Paris and Nicole.


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xoxo, b

Randy Houser

I'm going to the Randy Houser concert tonight!! With my lady friends. No Ben, because Ben is lukewarm on country music. I've been trying desperately to make him understand and love country for the last nine years, and slowly-- painfully slowly-- he's accepting it. Not attending a country music concert accepting, but know a few songs accepting.

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Ben and Paris slept in today. Which is great because Paris was pinned down and therefore not able to slap my face and pillow-jack me.



xoxo, b